I Would Be a Bad New Yorker.

I'm on the bus headed home from New York City. When I get back into DC, it will drop me off smack in the middle of downtown DC about two blocks from a metro spot. It will be easy for me to navigate around to the Metro and home to my quiet Virginia suburb. But no matter how comfortable I feel in my own big city or in Chicago, New York City always wears me out.

I love New York. Visiting Andrea and being a quick bus ride from my "oldest" best friend is fantastic. But moving there is out of the question. I would be a terrible New Yorker.

1. My skinny jeans are not skinny enough.
   
2. I have a dog that is really accustomed to having a backyard.
3. I prefer waiting until the subway has stopped completely before standing up to get off. (In DC, you can tell out-of-towners because they stand up to exit so early. In NYC, if you aren't standing up, you are clearly not a New Yorker with important places to go.)
4. I do not own riding boots to tuck my skinny jeans into.
5. I get lost too easily. And sometimes the roads in NYC and Brooklyn start to all look the same. Bars. Restaurants. Tourist shops. Repeat.
   
6. The best grocery stores to me have more than four aisles. And customer service counters.
7. I am overly obsessed with famous people. Seeing them in New York City might make me act like a fool. I had to sit on my hands so I didn't wave at Jimmy Fallon during the rehearsal.
   
8. I like driving my huge SUV around town.
9. Public school teachers don't make very much money. And NYC is pricey.
10. Every time I see a NYC cop car, I wonder if Olivia Benson and Elliott Stabler are inside.

I could get used to the walking. Eventually my body would catch up with all the late nights out in Williamsburg bars with Andrea. I would put on a few extra pounds eating slices of NY style pizza and bagels, and then walk them off again.

(me in Union Square)

But I think eventually New York and I would want to break up. It'd be one of those "let's be friends" sort of break-ups where everyone mutually decides that it is for the best. We'll still see each other sometimes, and have a great time, but we won't be committed into anything serious. It's for the best, really.