Vic and Lindsay, "Meet My Millionaires!"

Lindsay and I have a special place in our hearts for Patti Stanger. She's the brain and the sass behind Bravo's reality show, The Millionaire Matchmaker. Patti is just awesome at life and even better at love. She recently got engaged, so clearly she knows what she is talking about in the love department. Plus, she is a third generation Jewish matchmaker. It's in her blood.

Dear reader, don't let me lead you astray. This is not quality television. But it is entertaining television. Linds and I used to watch together in Kansas City, and we do the next best thing now by texting and chatting during the show. We do not get to be sassy or snarky during our day jobs because we work with middle schoolers. But we really let loose during Millionaire Matchmaker.

Bring on the snark. A date in a junk removal truck? Oh please. An angry hobbit with little hands and an Emmy he won for being part of an ensemble of Picket Fences? Fail. Girls who talk like Elmo and have too many cocktails at the mixer? Yep, we've got something to say about you too.

Patti keeps it real for millionaires and their potential mates. She is brutally honest during the entire process. Lindsay and I have discussed what she would say to us. It might not be pretty, even though we are pretty.

Here's what we would look like if we got chosen for a mixer.


Hey. It could happen. A girl from my high school was on the last week's episode. I am pretty sure that Patti would tell me that I am too tall or too nice or too good, but I could take the wrath. I'd love to stand there at a cocktail mixer in LA, just to hear Patti say,

"Ladies! Meet my millionaires!"

As long as she doesn't invite Justin Shenkarow again.